As Children Grow
As children grow, your conversations with them will likely change. If you start conversations around relationships, healthy sexuality, and body safety early — you will have built and nurtured an environment where being curious, asking questions, and having open conversations is encouraged. This will hopefully set the standard for communication as the child grows. It’s important to revisit conversations often and keep communication open.
If your child is older and you’re just starting these conversations now, that’s OK — it’s never too late to start! You can talk about all the things we’ve covered in this guide with tweens and teens, including consent (for self and others), safe adults, and online safety.
For tweens and teens, their bodies start to change and curiosity about sex is normal. It is best to create an environment for healthy, honest, and open discussions. This way, your child will be more likely to come to you with questions or to reveal what is happening in their lives. Our tone in these discussions is so important! Avoid overreaction, shame, and secrecy if you want to keep the communication door open. Keeping your child safe is also about instilling a value system within them. If they learn about respectful behavior and see it modeled in their home, they will be less likely to accept sexually inappropriate behavior as normal. (Elizabeth Jeglic, 2022) If they see that their parents keep secrets from one another (e.g., don’t tell dad we stopped to grab Starbucks), they learn that secrecy is okay within the family. And we know that if children believe that secrecy is OK, they will be less likely to question an abuser who encourages them to keep abuse a secret.
Online pornography is not appropriate for children, tweens, or teens and is something you absolutely need to discuss. Did you know that studies have found that teenagers who view pornography are more likely to engage in sexual harassment in adolescence and have more sexually permissive behaviors? (Elizabeth Jeglic, 2022) As we’ve talked about often throughout this guide … talk with your child, tween, or teen.
Have a conversation about what they might come across online and what they should do if they see it (recall our conversation on this page). Provide education about pornography and the differences between pornography and consensual, healthy sexual activity.
Technology safeguards and rules need to be put in place so the child, tween, or teen is not accessing it. Remember, without open, safe, non-judgmental dialogues, children of all ages will turn to other sources as their “teachers,” which likely won’t be helpful.
When children grow, they are more likely to engage in overnight camps and sleepovers. Before they go, revisit body safety, consent, and trusted adults (at any age). Create a safety plan for your tween or teen to use if they ever feel unsafe or uncomfortable in a situation. Let them know who they should voice their concerns to and also discuss strategies they can use to safely leave a potentially harmful situation. Tell them they can call or text you, no matter what the time is, and that you will help them exit the situation.
Ultimately, the best thing you can do as a caregiver is keep communicating with your child, tween, or teen. Stay engaged. Ask questions (about their in-person world and online world). Be available, open, and willing to talk. Stay curious.
AS A CAREGIVER, YOU ARE ONE OF THE MOST INFLUENTIAL ROLE MODELS IN YOUR CHILD’S LIFE AND HAVE THE ABILITY TO MAKE A GREAT IMPACT ON THEIR VALUES, BELIEFS, AND DECISIONS.
Conclusion
The children you love and care about are safer because of your support, guidance, and desire to learn strategies to keep them safe from sexual abuse. Don’t forget to take care of yourself because supporting your own well-being is a critical practice for being able to care for your children, especially when trying to protect them from both real-world and virtual risks.
The thought of your child being sexually abused is frightening, but instead of living in fear, you can live in hope for the children you love. Prevention is possible! Take what you’ve learned from this guide and put it into action.
